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Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Congratulations Miami

That's right. Miami, my hat is off to you. You established yourself as the most thug school in the country, displacing reigning champ USC. In fact, college football has enough thuggery to put together a "Thug Rankings." ESPN has their Power 16 and their Bottom 10, so we over at CFBN figured "Why the hell not a Thug 8?" Here is a top 8 list that would make 50 Cent squeamish:

1. Miami
Brawling, shooting and group sex -- the U has some issues to address immediately. The Hurricanes have established carte blanche with the administration and can seemingly get away with whatever they want. If the players are angry on the field, they will pick a fight. If the players are out on the street, they will carry guns and knives. If the players are horny, they will rap about it. Larry Coker, you old fool, do something. And to the university administration, shame on you.

2. USC
Matt Leinart impregnates some chick from the women's basketball team and is then sighted wooing Paris Hilton and Jessica Simpson (no worries, I'm sure he'll be a devote parent). Reggie Bush steals money from a marketing agency and violates NCAA regulations while retaining his Heisman. LenDale White instigates a brawl in his first NFL practice, continuing his days as a spark in the powderkeg of the Trojan lockerroom. The alumns of USC are just adding to their storied program a la O.J. Simpson. I don't understand why this is happening. Haven't the teachings of Pete Carroll guests like Snoop Dawg sunk in yet?

3. Ohio State
I don't know who is worse -- the players or the fans. I could ramble on about Maurice and Co., but that's been played out. Let's talk about the fans. They are drunk, they are obnoxious, and they are violent. When they lose football games, they burn stuff. When they win football games, they burn stuff. If they don't like you, they will crap in your cooler (if you are lucky). Bowl games do not want them because they do travel in droves, are a public disturbance and are extremely cheap. They embody everything that is wrong with college football. I'm going to open up a shop in Columbus called "Flammable Furniture" and retire in style -- somewhere other than Ohio that is.

4. Colorado
Two words -- Katie Hnida. For those that are unfamiliar, Katie Hnida was a female walk-on kicker at Colorado (yes, just like in Necessary Roughness). Alright, she wasn't that good. She missed virtually every kick she took, but still she did not deserve what the Buffaloes did to her. After one practice, the Colorado football team group raped her. She transferred to New Mexico and then told her story. In response to this, Head Coach Gary Barnett simply replied, "She was a **nt. She wasn't a good football player anyway." Meanwhile, their student section is among the worst in the country (see Ohio State). They might suck this year, but Dan Hawkins is at least cleaning the program up.

5. Michigan State
The Spartans play with some sort of tribal pride that allows their emotions to get them into sticky situations. They planted their flag at the Notre Dame 35-yard line (the Irish did not respond back). However, they brought the house on Illinois for doing the same on the "S" at Spartan Stadium. I believe this raw emotion comes directly from their fearless leader, John L. Smith. He acts like a child on the sidelines, and in the pressroom, and probably in practice. The Spartans will have a revamping like Colorado when they finally can Smith this year.

6. Virginia Tech
Vick unto Vick. Virginia Tech has a reputation among college students as a rowdy, overly playful, alcoholic Disney. But thuggery? Come on, you boys are better than that. With the departure of Marcus Vick, the Hokies fall considerably on this list, but Marcus was enough to push Virginia Tech onto the thug list. Vick is documented as having numerous felonies brought against him (I believe rape and possession of a firearm top the list), but his actions in the bowl game have left a sour taste in this writer's mouth. Give it time and Tech might move off the thug list.

7. Florida International
We placed a lot of blame on Miami, as did everyone else in the media. I want to make something clear though: Miami did not instigate that fight. Florida International started that brawl. We expect more of Miami; they are an experienced program that should have not let that escalate. However, the blame for the brawl belongs to FIU.

8. South Carolina
The Gamecocks have their history of thuggish behavior. The most recent case came in Lou Holtz's last year as the head coach, when they instigated a bench-clearing brawl with instate-rival Clemson.

I'm not sure how long this installment will last, but I will take some feedback from our readers on their experiences with thuggish behavior. You have a story -- chime in on the comments board.

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